Nappy hair stories: Rolling with the punches — Trying to be African In Nigeria in the 2000s.
Nigeria’s biggest problem is not leadership. It’s the people who are from the country.
~~ Every nation gets the government it deserves.
Joseph de Maistre (1 April 1753–26 February 1821)
Let me explain: So back when I was between 19–20 years old, in the early 2000s, during that period I had long hair, like a big Afro and mostly in braids; I was a massive fan of natural African hairstyles, which made me love guys like NBA player and legend Allen Iverson and others who always wore all kinds of natural black hairstyles. At that time, I lived in Lagos, Nigeria, and natural-black hairstyles were not encouraged; they were looked down upon society-wide. It was perms, attachments, wigs, hair that looked straight and European that was accepted back then, maybe even now. Natural big Afro, hair braiding, anything outside of a regular low cut hair was a big no-no for guys.
At the time, I was a student attending college and studying for an IT degree primarily by distance learning/online learning. Nearly every major thing about me during the time made me an outlier to those around.
During that time, my general approach to things made me more of an outlier from most people in Nigeria, from how I dressed, more British and American for comfort. To how I chose to start study/attend college, which was mostly through distance learning. To my work in media, music, sports & entertainment production at the time, I didn’t just draw the consistent hourly displeasure of my mother(who is a traditional conformist). Worse than that, I drew constant attacks from those related to me by blood, friends, and family. And men were those attacks wild, vicious, and completely inaccurate.
Attacks like these were common in what is even today a generally socially conservative Nigeria and were mostly by vicious gossip. In some cases, they would be face-to-face confrontations filled with allegations to incite a reaction. They were all Intended to do maximum and permanent harm, not just to the image of anyone singled out, but to also that individual’s mental health; in this case, that was me.
Yes, some of those attacks, in my experience, were long-standing intuitive ways of Nigerians reacting to any outliers.
Confromtomity at any cost was( probably is still) a Nigerian way. The worse part is most of the things people are supposed to conform to in Nigeria, looking at the facts, have either produced consistent bad results. Or are just senseless useless, and archaic if you are objective.
In my opinion, most of these sentiments were always driven partly by fear and partly by bitterness.
Today, I still remember when my style consisted of my Afro hair, which was most times braided, as I expressed my Black-self in that manner more than 15 years ago. Even as I dressed in American and British styles every day to be comfortable and straightforward instead of the popular Nigerian attires during that period, they were generally very uncomfortable.
Obviously, this was before the era of Flavour, one of the most popular Nigerian musician today.
More importantly, many of my relatives today typically reference me based on the most negative light, impressions, and images they created and love to keep alive from that period. Not necessarily me that existed before or after, but at the end of that period. Like everything about my existence started right at the end of that period. Like there was a turnaround of my persona and character once the Afro on my head ceased to exist.
To some of them, they feel they are complementary. Like saying, “whoa, you have come a long way from your wild days.” Or like “living in America has made you change.” Or one of my favorites, “You use to act like you did not know anything, talking and interacting with you now, I can see you now know something,” which a relative of mine loves to say in Igbo whenever he sees me. They purposefully and somewhat strategically always ignore that you are generally not allowed to conversate, dialog, or be listened to about your views in Nigeria when you don’t conform.
Those negative labels in Nigeria are given to people when they don’t conform and are then spread to others within society close to that person to stick on the individual’s images as a tabloid gossip column does. It might correlate to how a lot of Nigerians globally tend to succeed in the tabloid business. This gossip is also a way to set examples of what will happen for others who want to fall out of line. Essentially what the Nigerian society needs from young people is to be seen and not heard; study on campus Medicine, Engineering, Accounting, or Law, so your parents and elders can boast about you. Today those careers are not as prestigious as they were 80 years ago, and full employment opportunities are meager in Nigeria; most times working in those fields equals getting low pay. The other justification for pushing these choices as standards on most Nigerians as very prestigious careers is that they are supposed to have employment opportunities that come easily & quickly; in reality, that is never the case. The most honest view I have is that it is for bragging within Nigerian communities, by relatives and parents that refuse to move with the times.
Hell, in the last like thirty years plus globally, the highest paying jobs did typically did not exist like ten years prior.
I remember all this during this period because I see Nigerians outside Nigeria being who they want to be and succeeding in all kinds of fields. Dreadlock wearing or other African styles on their hairs, while being doctors, lawyers, and having all sorts of careers. They do not conform to those parts of the Nigerian way that are useless, illogical, or unproductive. Most importantly, not dealing with consistent emotional abuse and ridicule, even years after the facts.
See, just for clarity, all this is not an angry, vindictive person, or anything down that line. It’s just me wondering how many people from Nigeria have fallen by the wayside, those now under a substantial mental health crisis. The number of lives wasted by being forced to conform to things that can never be their forte. All of those relocating from Nigeria to places where they can be free, causing the decade’s old brain drain that keeps getting worse in the country. And those who commit suicide daily because they feel it’s their only way out and in typical Nigerian fashion are labeled as those who have fallen to so-called enemies who wanted them dead and then patronized witch doctors to make it happen.
Today, I am in that period where again, I got to relive this daily by watching Nigerians succeed in America. From an individual of Nigerian origins wearing dreadlocks who just won elected office in Delaware, the president-elect’s home state. To the eight Nigerians picked in this year’s NBA draft, To best-selling authors like Tomi Adeyemi, photographers, entertainers like Wale, and the numerous Nigerians who daily keep breaking into the top in American society.
All these people would have undoubtedly never even gotten close to their potential in the Nigerian space. They don’t conform to what Nigerians would insist on outwardly and inwardly, especially when you are still on your way up. In Nigeria, the expectation is to be utterly submissive to anyone above you and older than you.
As for me, I always try to relate with all my relatives as openly and positively as humanly possible. I am happy to have the opportunity America and other countries have given me to accept the reality of my growing up. Overall I am not yet where I want to be, but definitely on my way, with my goals clearly in sight.
End Point: Does not matter if you are about to be killed by your spouse, or robbed by a relative even beaten up, the response is always; just be conforming and don’t make trouble.
A good case in point is a lady, who professionally is a doctor and had been getting beaten almost every time by her husband, with proof which she put on social media. The end result was an appearance in front of the governor of her state and a declaration that it’s a family affair.
Treated like an errant child when her life is in serious danger. Surrounded by oppressors at the same time.
